communication
Avoid agreeing and disagreeing in the same sentence
23/03/14 16:31
It is a well used phrase 'yes I agree with you but…' that tries to make out we are in agreement and then give reasons why we are not. The yes-but combination confuses things and gives conflicting messages. It is far better to separate what we do agree with and what we don't agree with. You can try these responses instead: Read More...
Three ways of asking questions that should be avoided
06/07/13 15:16
When you meeting with others to talk about issues it can be very tempting to start off with a question. This can help raise the issue in a non threatening way and also find out more about the issue. It can help you find out how the other person views the problem. But you should avoid doing the following Read More...
Subtle messages we send
01/06/13 10:35
There are times when we do not realise what we are saying is contributing to poor communication. We can use words that add meaning into sentences that can sound sarcastic, or demeaning. They modify what we are trying to say that can unintentionally or intentionally annoy and attack others. Some words to watch out for include: Read More...
It's not bullying, but it is bullying behaviour
10/10/12 11:43
I have been reading quite a lot at the moment regarding the problem of "bullying". A quick count of my personal library of books is up to 13, plus of course there is also articles, websites and downloads. Some of the way the subject is discussed concerns me because I come from a strength based approach. Using the label "bullying" can be counter productive. Read More...
Responding to talking things up
29/09/12 21:00
When young people get to gather they love to talk. But if it is "deviant talk" then this can be a problem when it is not held in check. Talking up inappropriate behaviour which is then received positively by peers, can encourage the group to act out those behaviours. Read More...
The irony of passiveness
20/09/12 14:58
I quite like the Apple dictionary (v2.2.3) description of passive which is "accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance…" But what I really wanted to highlight was the interesting combination of possible messages that can be communicated though passive behaviour. Read More...
Dead Person Test checks if what your asking is a replacement behaviour!
16/09/12 10:57
You see a behaviour and respond. This should include a description of the behaviour so they know what needs to change. An effective method to modify behaviour is offering them another option of how to behaviour. This little test can help you make sure you are giving them a replacement behaviour option. Read More...
A pause for thought can…
17/08/12 14:26
A pause for thought can make all the difference in handling inappropriate behaviour. For everyone involved. Too often it is tempting to fall into a mental trap that speed and urgency is good. Let's just get it over with and move on. That fails to take into account people need time to think about their actions. Read More...
Five words to avoid in difficult conversations
14/08/12 13:20
In difficult conversations what and how you say things can make a big different to the response that you get. Try and avoid these 5 words: Read More...
6 Tips for sending clear messages
09/08/12 10:32
Sometimes we try to be too nice by not being direct in what we say. We worry more about not hurting others feelings than getting our message across clearly. Now, we do not need to be aggressive or nasty but we should be truthful. Here are 6 ways we can improve: Read More...
Messages: The Communication Skills Book
08/08/12 10:02
I was looking through one of my many bookcases and noticed a book that I have had for around 20 years. Flicking through it I realised why I had kept it for so long. It is full of great practical information and tips on effective and assertive communication. Messages: Read More...
Things to say if someone is rude or unpleasant
07/08/12 10:52
Someone has been rude and unpleasant to you. The behaviour could be mildly aggressive meaning they are not respecting your rights. Any response made should try to establish appropriate boundaries on the behaviour. Read More...
Effective communication is key
30/07/12 11:11
Having good communication skills is really important in helping others change their behaviour. If you are having difficulty with someones behaviour and everything you try does not work, take some time to reflect on how you have been communicating to them. Read More...
Denying feelings never helps
22/07/12 13:59
We all have feelings. Even though some of us may find it at times difficult to recognise or understand them. It is amazing how often we can ignore this fact and this can lead to two possible impacts. We can sometimes deny our own feelings or we deny the feelings of others. Read More...
5 ways to respond to the cold shoulder
17/07/12 13:21
There are times when people communicate or act in a way that is dismissive, negative or lacks warmth. When this happens at the first meeting it can be awkward. But when it happens with people we know and have a ongoing relationship with like coworkers and peers, this can be difficult and creates problems. Here are 5 questions you can use to try and resolve the problem. Read More...
5 useful phrases to use
08/07/12 13:55
There are many ways to say things that can help encourage appropriate behaviour. Here are 5 words or phrases that I use to describe behaviour that helps let the person know they are doing something that needs to change.
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Should I show my emotions?
23/06/12 10:31
When I started out working as a youth worker I wanted to be seen as a calm and collected. To look like I was never ruffled and so started going about my work trying to look like nothing ever got to me. It took about 3 weeks before the cracks appeared and for me to realise that this was never going to work. How was I ever going to role model responding effectively to issues if I presented as a robot! Read More...
Only use I-messages for good
18/04/12 10:16
I-messages are great ways to communicate assertively in lots of different situations. But it is worth remembering that they can also be used negatively to try and manipulate someone. Like all tools they can be used for good and bad purposes. So how can people manipulate others?
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Understanding the difference between I-messages and You-messages
17/04/12 10:04
You might want to read ‘You-messages can work for and against you’ to get the background for this post. I had pointed out that you can have an I-message and a You-message combined like ‘I feel angry when you call me names’. It is common for those new to I-messages to use I feel …(feeling) when you … (behaviour). But an effective I-message does not contain a ‘you’ in it. Read More...
You-messages can work for and against you
13/04/12 12:24
Following on from my previous post ‘How to get your message across respectfully’ the other way we can communicate is using You-messages. In You-messages, the message contains either you or you’re in it. For example, ‘You make me so angry when you don’t clean up after yourself.’ Using a You-messages blames the person for the situation and judges them. So it pays to know when to use one. Read More...
How to get your message across respectfully?
12/04/12 09:42
It is easy to do. Lose your cool in the heat of the moment and say something that you later regretted. It is in these times that I-messages are your friend and a tool for all occasions. They get the message across about how you feel and what behaviour made you feel that way. And that is not the only benefit. Read More...
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