Subtle messages we send
01/06/13 10:35 Filed in: communication
There are times when we do not realise what we are saying is contributing to poor communication. We can use words that add meaning into sentences that can sound sarcastic, or demeaning. They modify what we are trying to say that can unintentionally or intentionally annoy and attack others. Some words to watch out for include:
Certainly - e.g. you certainly like your food - can mean: you eat too much
Only - e.g. it is only a small difference - can mean: there is something wrong with you to worry about that
Merely - e.g. I was merely trying to help - can mean: there is something wrong with you for getting upset
Naturally - e.g. naturally you understand the reasons for this - can mean: there is something wrong if you do not understand the reasons
Now - e.g. now what is going on - can mean: I do not like what is going on
Lately - e.g. lately I have noticed - can mean: I have been paying close attention
Sure - e.g. you sure have been working hard - can mean: I think you have been working too hard
Just - e.g. I was just being honest - can mean: there is something wrong with you if you cannot accept honest feedback
Still - e.g your still working on that - can mean: you should have been finished that by now
When we use modifiers like these it is called a metamessage. There is a message within a message. This will confuse the message and people can take what you are saying the wrong way. It is important to really say what you mean without confusing things.
List of modifiers from Messages: The Communication Skills Book (1993) by M. McKay, M Davis & P Fanning page 74
Only - e.g. it is only a small difference - can mean: there is something wrong with you to worry about that
Merely - e.g. I was merely trying to help - can mean: there is something wrong with you for getting upset
Naturally - e.g. naturally you understand the reasons for this - can mean: there is something wrong if you do not understand the reasons
Now - e.g. now what is going on - can mean: I do not like what is going on
Lately - e.g. lately I have noticed - can mean: I have been paying close attention
Sure - e.g. you sure have been working hard - can mean: I think you have been working too hard
Just - e.g. I was just being honest - can mean: there is something wrong with you if you cannot accept honest feedback
Still - e.g your still working on that - can mean: you should have been finished that by now
When we use modifiers like these it is called a metamessage. There is a message within a message. This will confuse the message and people can take what you are saying the wrong way. It is important to really say what you mean without confusing things.
List of modifiers from Messages: The Communication Skills Book (1993) by M. McKay, M Davis & P Fanning page 74
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