Five words to avoid in difficult conversations
14/08/12 13:20 Filed in: communication
In difficult conversations what and how you say things can make a big different to the response that you get. Try and avoid these 5 words:
Only
This sounds like the impact is minimal. While this could be the case, saying 'it's only…' can come across as the reason is about it being small, not because of the reason it needs to happen. Try using:
What - "what is required..."
Why - "why we should do this is…"
Just
Similar to only it tries to minimise or dismiss. "It's just a small change…".
But
Messages sound like yes I agree until the but. After the but it is all about total disagreement. Avoid as it does not reduce the conflict and can seem like an underhand way of disagreeing. Try using:
Next - "I agree on those points. Next I would like to…"
Also - "Also there might be a need to…"
Actually
This contradicts what someone else has said. There are times when alternative views need to be suggested, however, starting with actually can make it harder for the person to listen. Try using:
My - "My understanding is …"
Unfortunately
This sounds like an excuse and can sometimes be used to try and explain something bad without explaining it. It tries to minimise when perhaps an apology is a better message to convey. Try using: I - “I am sorry…"
This sounds like the impact is minimal. While this could be the case, saying 'it's only…' can come across as the reason is about it being small, not because of the reason it needs to happen. Try using:
What - "what is required..."
Why - "why we should do this is…"
Just
Similar to only it tries to minimise or dismiss. "It's just a small change…".
But
Messages sound like yes I agree until the but. After the but it is all about total disagreement. Avoid as it does not reduce the conflict and can seem like an underhand way of disagreeing. Try using:
Next - "I agree on those points. Next I would like to…"
Also - "Also there might be a need to…"
Actually
This contradicts what someone else has said. There are times when alternative views need to be suggested, however, starting with actually can make it harder for the person to listen. Try using:
My - "My understanding is …"
Unfortunately
This sounds like an excuse and can sometimes be used to try and explain something bad without explaining it. It tries to minimise when perhaps an apology is a better message to convey. Try using: I - “I am sorry…"
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